Shattering the Silence: Empowering Women to Ask for What They Want

At what point did we stop asking for what we want? As women, it appears, somewhere along the line, we stopped asking for, well just about everything. As a mother of two small girls, I know I hear what my girls want all day, every day, because they never stop asking. We either don’t or rarely ask for raises, for help, or for what we want or need from others. Yet women continue to break the glass ceiling set for us. The term “glass ceiling” refers to an invisible barrier or set of barriers that prevent or slow women from advancing to higher- level roles in leadership and success in their careers in male-dominated professions. I have a strong theory that women are superheroes because regardless of what is put in front of us, we prevail.

We all want to grow and succeed in our goals. It’s difficult when we get rejected, or we watch others obtain what we want. The idea of breaking glass ceilings and asking for what we want does not involve climbing over or sabotaging others to get it. I want to be very clear on the importance of advocating for ourselves while also supporting and lifting others up when you can. As you will see below, timing plays a critical role, and while it may be difficult, we do need to be patient to clearly see if it’s a timing issue or a situation issue. If it’s a situation issue, be confident in your timing to walk away. Other opportunities will present themselves to validate your worth.

Breaking the glass ceiling and advocating for ourselves as businesswomen can be challenging and intimidating. However, there are several strategies we can use to help pave the way for success. Consider the following ten tactics and review which ones you know or are good at and which ones you need to work through. We cannot change overnight, but we can work on asking for what we want.

• Know your worth: Understand your values, skills, and overall contributions to the organization. This also applies to non-profit and volunteer work. Confidence in your abilities to contribute is key to advocating for yourself effectively.

• Set Clear Goals: Define what you want to achieve and clearly articulate your career aspirations. Whether you are working towards a promotion, a salary increase, or anything in between, setting clear goals will help you stay on track and keep your efforts focused.

• Prepare and Practice: Don’t go in blind! Practice what you want to say and anticipate responses. Be ready to negotiate.

• Gather Evidence: Make sure you have data to support your request. Highlight your accomplishments, contributions, and any other relevant achievements that demonstrate your value to the organization.

• Build Relationships: Cultivate relationships throughout the organization. Seek feedback from mentors and trusted colleagues.

• Be Assertive, Not Aggressive: Assertiveness is expressing your needs and desires respectfully and confidently. Don’t be passive or overly aggressive in your approach.

• Pick the Right Moment: Timing is essential! When considering timing, think about organizational priorities, your performance reviews, and strategic initiatives.

• Emphasize Mutual Benefit: This ask is not just for you; it’s going to help the company as well; highlight this. Focus the ask on the value you bring and how it aligns with organizational goals.

• Be Flexible: Be open to compromising and consider alternative solutions. Be willing to adjust your approach based on feedback from the conversation.

• Persist and Follow-Up: Don’t be discouraged if your initial request is not automatically approved. Follow up with key stakeholders, seek out clarification on any concerns, and continue to advocate for yourself.

Remember that not all glass is the same thickness; breaking those ceilings is a journey that requires persistence, resilience, and strategy. By advocating for yourself confidently and effectively, you can overcome those barriers, challenge the stereotypes, and advance your career. Lastly, you don’t have to go at it alone. Part of this process is leaning into your support system. If you don’t have one, now is the time to build it up.

If you are on the receiving side of being asked for the promotion, the salary increase, or career advancement, remember how you got to where you are. Maybe you asked, or perhaps someone saw your value without asking. Be kind, be supportive, and overall be helpful. I want to be in the business of lending shoes out because there is glass everywhere, do you?

 -Dr. Jenipher Cornelius